So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
