I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
someone owes me an orgasm
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
