That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
