lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
