Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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