just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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