Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
