her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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