she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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