I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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