Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
