I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
