I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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