gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
