he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
