the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
