I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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