Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
