he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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