You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
