Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
