Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
