I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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