At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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