needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
