It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize