Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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