Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
