dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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