At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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