You're completely useless in the revolution.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
