i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
