Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
