Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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