In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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