Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
