Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
