i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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