Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize