New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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