I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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