hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize