fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
