I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do herpes really smell.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
