come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just made my gag reflex go away.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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