I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
