On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
