We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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