Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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