Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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