Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
