My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
