what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
