dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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