are you still at the devil's house?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
