just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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