I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
