If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize