i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
