No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
