3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
