My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
