Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
