He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize