you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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