I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
