my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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