I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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