i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I intend to get homeless drunk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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