I'm gonna have a badass scar
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize