My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
