THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
