Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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