He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize