After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
